We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

I had a rare treat a couple days ago.

My friend Dee and I were able to arrange a halfway meet for an overnight visit.

Dee is a fellow "Trauma Mama".

She and I have both adopted.

Both adopted older kids.

Both older kids from the other side of the world.  Older kids from the other side of the world who have trauma backgrounds.

And we have been through it.

So a few weeks ago we had arranged to run away together.

We decided to meet this past Friday night halfway between her home and mine.

We almost weren't able to pull it off, because earlier in the week she had an episode with one of her kids where it nearly ended in a 911 call.  Then the day before our planned getaway I had an episode with one of my kids that did result in a 911 call.

And I was in the ER and then the adolescent mental health facility for just shy of 24 hours.

(My child will be OK and is getting some much needed help)

Of course as all these events were unfolding and then settling down, I figured I would need to scrap the plans to get away.  But as Fred said, I would need this now more than ever.  So he scrambled to get things in place to enable me to head off to CT.

And I did.  Up the Jersey Turnpike I went, over the GW, crawling down the Cross Bronx Expressway and finally checking into the Hilton.

And it was Won. Der. Ful.

We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we shared stories.

We even indulged in a spa treatment, if you count cutting my toenails on the bed a spa treatment.

I showed her my recent bruises and she showed me hers.  It was like the scene from Jaws where they're revealing all their scars.

Including the broken heart scars.

But now our batteries are recharged.  And we have returned to our respective broods better prepared to handle the next crisis.

When I First Saw You

Becuase I'm a glutton for punishment and like to make myself cry, every now and again I like to re-post the poem James wrote for me for Mother's Day in 2011.

It goes a little something like this:




When I First Saw You








Sniff.









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When I First Saw You

Becuase I'm a glutton for punishment and like to make myself cry, every now and again I like to re-post the poem James wrote for me for Mother's Day in 2011.

It goes a little something like this:




When I First Saw You








Sniff.









*************

Throw me a vote? You know the drill by now. Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever.



Thanks!


*************


Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Adoption and Loss

This is something I wrote as a guest post a while back for my friend Lori Printy at Six of My Own.

I don't think I ever posted it here yet, so here we go....



Mention the word adoption, and you're sure to invoke a response of some kind.

For many, the word is associated with the warm fuzzies. After all, by definition, an adopted child has moved from having no family, to being a part of a family. What could be fuzzier than that?

For others, the word is linked with images of a broken system. One which perhaps places too much emphasis on the superficial well-being of the child, and not enough on the blood-ties that bind a birth mother and child. Or on an adoption industry that encourages mothers to give up their child for his "best interests".

Another broken system view would say that the rights of the child are secondary to the goal of reunification, and often the child has trauma after trauma after trauma placed upon his shoulders in the system's efforts to keep biological parent and child together.

No matter the angle viewed, an adopted child has experienced loss. Whether the child's birth parents died, or the child was given up willingly to "have a better life", or the child was removed from the home of abusive and/or neglectful parents, the child has lost the parents that brought her into the world. That's not good, it's not bad, it's not indifferent.
It is LOSS.

That's not to say that the child cannot go on to be successful, to be functional, to be happy in spite of the loss.




Consider as an analogy the person who has lost a limb. Whether by trauma or by carefully planned surgery, that loss is a loss. With guided prosthetic training and hard work, the person can regain function, and move freely again in a world where he once felt limited. We can applaud that person, rightly so, for making such strides and becoming so functional. But would we ever think to say how "lucky" he was to have such a wonderful prosthetic? Certainly not. He lost something that was an undeniable part of him. No matter how functional and happy and successful he becomes, he is never thankful that he lost a part of himself.

He could be thankful, perhaps, that his life was spared. I had a young man as a patient once, who lost his arm traumatically: he was driving along with his arm hanging out of the window when a truck sideswiped him. He could have died in that accident, but "only" lost an arm.

Or he could be thankful, maybe, to no longer have pain. Another patient of mine was a middle-aged high school chemistry teacher, and mother of three. The tumors and the repeated surgeries were a source of unspeakable pain and stress and dashed hopes. The decision to lose the arm was a difficult one, but one she felt she had to make. After the amputation, her pain was finally at an end, and with training her function was regained, but it didn't mean she didn't grieve.

In the same vein, an adopted child can be thankful to have found a family who loves him. He can be grateful to have an easier life than he once had. But those things can never replace what has been lost. They can help him to be functional again, to feel secure and safe and supported. But something that was a part of him is gone. Rejoicing in the new does not mean there is not grieving for the old, for one does not take the place of the other. They coexist. The loss should never be discounted or diminished simply because, on the surface, the person appears to be functional, and maybe even happy.

Clearly, this analogy is an oversimplified one. Regardless of the pain associated with the trauma or the pathology of the loss, losing a limb cannot compare to the emotional complexities of losing the parent/s that brought a child into the world. It does not speak to the confusing emotions and truths the child must face when there was intent to harm, criminal neglect, voluntary abandonment, or even just the inability to win the battle against overpowering demons that prevented the Mom or Dad from being able to be the parent he or she needed to be.

So. When you think of the word "adoption", try to remember that it is a two-sided coin, and that it takes both sides to make up the whole. Remember this dichotomy the next time you speak with an adopted child. Be glad for him that he has found a family that cherishes him and supports him. But be aware that before this "new family" came into the child's life, he first had to face the most devastating loss a person could face.

And respect that.








Image source: losangelesshrinershospital.org



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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.  Check out my schedule in my sidebar and come join the fun!



*************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Chicken-Scratch-Saturday: Ornaments

For those of you with little kids, here's a Christmas tradition that we've been carrying on since ours were knee-high.

We kinda like it, and you may, too.

Each year, Santa puts an ornament in their stocking. Some years they've been higher quality ornaments, and other years they've been cheaper, it doesn't much matter.

Santa always puts their name and the year on the bottom of the ornament, so they don't get them mixed up in later years.

And last year? I found these awesome shoebox-sized Christmas boxes on sale after Christmas. I got each of the kids one, and put their names on them, so when we're taking the tree down, their ornaments can be wrapped and put in their own box. This makes things a little less hectic when it's tree-trimmin' time.

This is not a picture of one of our boxes, but they're exactly the same.
Except ours have a cuter pattern.
And they're see-through.
And made of plastic.
And well, pretty much not like these at all.
But you get the idea.


When it's time for the kids to head out on their own (and we're getting closer over here at the Funny Farm), they'll each have a box of ornaments to take with them as a head start on their first tree.

For our adopted kids, a few years ago we took all our ornaments that didn't really "belong" to any one in particular, and we let them take turns choosing ones that they liked till they were "caught up" to their years. We added their names, and voila, they had enough ornaments as they would have had if they had been born into our family.


So go ahead!  Start this tradition with your kids.  They'll love it!






Image courtesy: boscovs.com

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Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

I Know It's Thursday, But How About Something on Adoption?

It is, after all, National Adoption Month.
What could be more important?
Truly, what?

Regardless of how you voted a few weeks ago, I challenge anyone to find fault with President Obama's words in his proclamation below....


Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2012
NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH, 2012

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

As a Nation that believes all children deserve the chance to reach their full potential, we have a fundamental responsibility to ensure each of them grows up knowing the love and protection of a permanent family. During National Adoption Month, we give voice to children who are still waiting for that opportunity, celebrate the bond that unites adoptive parents with their sons and daughters, and recommit to providing every child with the care and security that will nurture their development and well-being.

Later this month, many Americans will also mark National Adoption Day by completing a foster care adoption and embracing a new member of their family. Driven by reasons unique to their households but united by the spirit of compassion that moves all who choose to adopt, these parents will take up our country's most important task -- the work of raising our sons and daughters. As we celebrate the contributions of adoptive parents across our Nation, let us also strive to eliminate discriminatory barriers that would separate foster children from a loving family. Adoptive families come in many forms, and it is essential that all qualified adults have the opportunity to care for a child in need.

My Administration remains committed to helping every child find a loving home. We have partnered with faith-based and community organizations across America to help connect children with adoptive parents, and we continue to work with State, local, and tribal governments to improve child outcomes; enhance safety, permanency, and well-being; and support adoptive families. I was proud to sign the Affordable Care Act and the International Adoption Simplification Act, which have made it easier for families to adopt, as well as the Child and Family Services Improvement and Innovation Act, which will help reduce the length of time young children are without families. We have built on those efforts as part of the National Adoption Campaign, which continues to bring adoption and foster care into our national conversation.

Thousands of children living in America hope for the comfort and safety of a loving family. This month, we pay tribute to the dedicated professionals who help make those children's dreams a reality, sharpen our resolve to find a permanent home for every child, and celebrate the stories of all whose lives have been touched by adoption.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2012 as National Adoption Month. I encourage all Americans to observe this month by answering the call to find a permanent and caring family for every child in need, and by supporting the families who care for them.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.

BARACK OBAMA


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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.  You can find my full schedule in my sidebar, but here's where I'm hoppin' off to today...

A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Two In Diapers' Mommy Brain Mixer

Come join the fun!




****************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Wordless Wednesday Becomes (for today): Something to be Thankful For!

Four years (and three days) ago, we were given a "da" that changed our lives forever.

Read on....




Our petition to adopt Borya and Julia has been granted by the judge!!!!! Hallelujah and praise be and amen and hot-diggity-dog!

Here's how it went down: we left at about 9:30 for our 10:00 court appt. Once at the court house Alma scurried around signing various papers as we stood in the middle of a crowded, bustling lobby while we waited for the rest of our group to arrive. For once an interior room was not scalding hot, but this time pretty darn cold. The unmanned metal detector was perpetually whistling its beeps as people passed in and out. Finally all the key players had arrived, and after waiting what seemed an eternity, they called is into the court room, which looked more like some kind of ante-room for signing doc-oo-ments than an actual court room. It opened right off the lobby, so we went directly in and arranged ourselves on the benches, per Alma's directions. Pretty soon the judge swooped in and we all stood and were again seated. As the speeches began, Alma leaned over to us and whispered the translations. As a Mom, I cringed to hear the directors and officials repeatedly state that in all the years the children have been in the orphanage, no family members have visited them, no one has shown any interest in their fate. I wanted so badly to cover their ears so they wouldn't hear those harsh words, that ugly truth, but all I could do was reach back to them to squeeze their hands. We stood and Fred read off our prepared statements, and Alma translated for the rest of the court. After hearing from the ministry official, the directors of both orphanages, and Fred and I, the prosecutor asked Borya to stand and answer some questions, and then Julia. They did a great job, standing tall, good eye contact, clear speaking voices. After a bit there was a short recess for the judge to review everything, so we waited in the lobby again. Poor Julia at this point began to cry, so the director of her school ushered her into a semi-quiet corner to talk to her. I didn't know what to do b/c she's gotta be just so scared and nervous right now and yet we still don't speak each other's languages, so I wasn't sure what I could say to her. She still really knows the director better than she knows me, so I just went over, and while the director was talking to her and giving her a hanky and a mint, I just rubbed her back and whispered "Ya tibya loublue" in her ear a few times (I love you). But she seemed OK, just slightly shaken and nervous. She's a scared 10 yr old little girl.



After only a couple minutes they called us back into the courtroom and we all stood (me with knees shaking) while the judge read his decision. It took him, I think, roughly four hours to read off all our names, address, kids' names, school names, and anything else he was creative enough to throw in the pot, before he issued the words, "petition is granted". Tears, hugs, hand-shaking and hand-holding all followed. I stopped short of doing cartwheels, afraid the judge might reverse his decision. Borya and I just gave each other a look that we mutually understood to mean, "Can you believe we finally did this?" I was concerned that Julia might cry again afterwards, but she seemed fine. And happy. We had a baby doll to give her, and she soon discovered that when you press its belly it laughs and says "I love you", which in turn made her laugh. That was music to my ears.



We then walked outside into snow flurries under blue skies, and handed out gifts, took pictures, and did more hugging and crying. It will be a long wait till we see them again, possibly more than a month. I'm sure that will be even harder on them than it will be on us. We leave today to begin our trip back to the US and our busy lives, and prepare for Christmas, to boot. Borya and Julia, on the other hand, will not even have each other, as they will be split into their separate orphanages to go back to the daily routine of school, carrying on as though nothing has changed until the day comes for them to be escorted home.



So now, if you're not all too prayed out, pls send up prayers once again that the two week post-court waiting period will pass without incident so we get our official decree on 12/5. And if you could throw in one tiny little extra prayer? Let it be that we can get our kids home in time for Christmas. Isn't that what it's all about?

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Thanks!



*************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Inspiration Sunday

In honor of National Adoption Month....

Image courtesy: Kathy R. Jeffords
via Pinterest


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Thanks!


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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday:
Homestead Revival's Barn Hop
Natural Living Mamma's Natural Living Mondays
The Chicken Chick's Clever Chicks
A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras
Ponder Wonder's Soul Food Monday
@ Home Take 2's Mom's Monday Mingle
DIY Dreamer's Pinterest Repin Party
DIY Home Sweet Home's More the Merrier Monday
Tuesday:
Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday
Crafty Garden Mama's Tuesday Greens
The Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday:
My Life and Kids Finding the Funny
Tilly's Nest's Down Home
Crafty Spices Wordless Wednesday
Thursday:
A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Two In Diapers' Mommy Brain Mixer
Friday:
Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Fresh Eggs Daily's FarmGirl Friday
Little Becky Homecky's Fantabulous Friday
@Home Take 2's Weekend Blog Walk
Oh So Amelia's Friday Chaos
Saturday:
Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop
Tutus and Tea Parties' Pinteresting Party
Sunday:
Dawn's Disaster's Super Sunday Link


Come join the fun!

*************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Wordless Wednesday

November is National Adoption Month!

Here are a few pictures from our time in Kazakhstan four years ago....

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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs. You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever.



Thanks!

***************

In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday:
Homestead Revival's Barn Hop
Natural Living Mamma's Natural Living Mondays
The Chicken Chick's Clever Chicks
A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras
Ponder Wonder's Soul Food Monday
@ Home Take 2's Mom's Monday Mingle
DIY Dreamer's Pinterest Repin Party
DIY Home Sweet Home's More the Merrier Monday
Tuesday:
Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday
Crafty Garden Mama's Tuesday Greens
The Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday:
My Life and Kids Finding the Funny
Tilly's Nest's Down Home
Crafty Spices Wordless Wednesday
Thursday:
A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Two In Diapers' Mommy Brain Mixer
Friday:
Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Fresh Eggs Daily's FarmGirl Friday
Little Becky Homecky's Fantabulous Friday
@Home Take 2's Weekend Blog Walk
Oh So Amelia's Friday Chaos
Saturday:
Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop
Tutus and Tea Parties' Pinteresting Party
Sunday:
Dawn's Disaster's Super Sunday Link


Come join the fun!

*************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Mirth Monday Becomes (for today): Kazakhstan Look-Back

Four years ago, Fred and I were in Kazakhstan, adopting James and Julie.

We were there for about a month, and it was...well let's just say it wasn't exactly a vacation.

On November 11th, 2008, I posted about our trip from Ust Kamenogorsk to Ridder, to return James to his school...




The last day of the two week bonding period arrived today! We left earlier than usual to go to the notary again, then off to visit with Borya and Julia for a short time. After a bit, Borya went to gather the backpack of clothes and stuff he had at this school for the last couple weeks, we said goodbye to Julia (well, "da zavdra", which is "see you tomorrow"), and left to take Borya back to Ridder, his school in the mountains about 80 miles northeast of Ust Kamenogorsk.

It was a crowded car, as we had the driver and our coordinator up front, and Fred, Borya, Bella and I in the back. And we're not talking SUV or even mini-van, but compact car. Bella sat in my lap the whole way. Along the way, Borya grew tired and rested his head against Fred's shoulder and went to sleep. How do you say "awwww" in Russian? Partway through the drive it began to snow. It was exciting at first, to finally see some honest-to-God snow up here, but soon the roads started getting snow-covered and slick. There was a patch where we passed several cars either pulled over or slid over to the side of the road. Our driver finally decided to pull over himself and change over to winter tires. Something he accomplished, in the snow and with no gloves, in about 10 minutes. The tires helped, but it was still pretty treachorous going. As we climbed higher into the mountains, the roads became steeper and the turns twistier. We slowed to a crawl, we all held our collective breath, and we finally arrived in Ridder. Our last turn before entering the town proper, our car went into a spin and nearly crashed into a pole. I grabbed onto Bella and shut my eyes, Fred threw his arm across Borya and watched everything. We stopped inches from the pole, no damage, no injuries. Breathe.


So we get to the orphanange and we're ushered down several long hallways and into the director's office. After a long bumpy car ride with a 65# child bouncing on my lap, I'm in desperate need to use the "twalyet", but we are neither greeted, nor offered a drink, nor offered the use of their facilities. Instead, we all sit silent as our coordinator and the director and a secretary-type begin arguing in Russian. Nothing is said to us, and I'm about to get sick all over the conference table, thinking something has gone dreadfully wrong with the adoption. After a while, our coordinator leaves, and we sit with this man trying to make polite conversation though none of us speaks the other's language. Fred finally asks if we may use the bathroom, and the director takes us there personally. But I must warn you here and now: never, EVER use the bathroom at the orphanage in Ridder, Kazakhstan (remote chance, I know, but still you must be warned). When we got back to the director's office, neither he nor our coordinator were there, and I'm trying to hold it together, thinking the adoption has just been scrapped. Fred's trying to comfort me, but I just know it has gone all wrong. Alma returns and we gathered our courage to ask her what that was all about. Turns out it wasn't even related to our adoption, but some registration numbers that needed to be filed on someone else (doesn't even directly affect that adoption). The term emotional rollercoaster does not come close to doing justice to what we are going through here. I think I might coin a new phrase -- how does emotional tsunami roll off the tongue?


So the meeting with the director over, I ask permission for Borya to show us around and introduce us to his friends. Basically, this is the reason I wanted to come to Ridder at all. But no. So we get one picture of Borya with a couple boys who happened to be around, and it was time to leave. By this time there are several inches of snow on the ground, and just as many mountains to climb through. What should have been a 2- hour drive turned into a 3+ hour drive. We did get to see some lovely scenery, including beautiful montains with the sun setting behind them, stands of birch and forests of evergreens in the snow, quaint villages nestled in the valleys, tendrils of smoke curling from the chimneys of the little cottages, with a backdrop of snow-covered Christmas trees on the hillside ..... and sheer drops down the mountain at the side of slick, snowy roads!


As I'm sure you must surmise from reading this blog entry, we survived the trip. Never was I so happy to see the smokestacks spewing forth the pollution that covers Ust as I was when we neared this city. We arrived back at our hotel about 10 hours after we had left. We hadn't had anything to eat or drink (other than the pack of crackers I found in the bottom of my purse on the drive home) since breakfast that morning. But we signed a few more "doc-oo-ments" that our coordinator put on the table in front of us in the hotel lobby, had dinner in the hotel's restaurant, went upstairs and pretty much collapsed.


I will certainly miss Borya over the next week as we await our court date. The road to Ridder, I will not miss.

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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs. You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever.



Thanks!



***************

In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday: Homestead Revival's Barn Hop, Natural Living Mamma's Natural Living Mondays, The Chicken Chick's Clever Chicks, A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras, Ponder Wonder's Soul Food Monday and @ Home Take 2's Mom's Monday Mingle
Tuesday: Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday, Crafty Garden Mama's Tuesday Greens, and The Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday: My Life and Kids Finding the Funny, Tilly's Nest's Down Home, and Crafty Spices Wordless Wednesday
Thursday: A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop, and Two In Diapers' Mommy Brain Mixer
Friday: Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday, Fresh Eggs Daily's FarmGirl Friday, Little Becky Homecky's Fantabulous Friday, @Home Take 2's Weekend Blog Walk, and Oh So Amelia's Friday Chaos
Saturday: Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop, and Tutus and Tea Parties' Pinteresting Party.

Since today is Monday, that means I'm linking up my post "Time to Say Goodbye"
with Homestead Revival's Barn Hop, Natural Living Mamma's Natural Living Mondays, and The Chicken Chick's Clever Chick;
yesterday's post "Inspiration Sunday" with A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras, and  Ponder Wonder's Soul Food Monday; and "Screen-Free, Mess-Free Activities For Kids" with @ Home Take 2's Mom's Monday Mingle.

Come join the fun!




****************

Rudeness disclaimer:

I love all your comments,
I read every one!
But I can't hit 'reply',
I've no time for fun.
Please don't judge me,
Please don't hate.
If you have a question that just can't wait,
Send me an email at farmbeachgal@yahoo.com,
And I'll answer right back because I'm, you know, the Mom.

Guest Posting at Five of My Own

Today I'm keeping comp'ny with Lori (a fellow adoptive Mom of three bios and three adopted -- sound familiar?) over at Five of My Own. I wrote a guest post for her called "Adoption and Loss", which she is posting today.

Read her intro and teaser, and then head on over!







I feel privileged to share another brilliant guest post from Anne Kimball. Anne is a bio/adoptive mother of six (gotta love that) and Top Mommy Blogger who writes Life on the Funny Farm. If you enjoy well written, smart and witty writing make sure you bookmark her site!


I think Anne crystallizes a great point in the adoption "debate" when she writes, "Rejoicing in the new does not mean there is not grieving for the old, for one does not take the place of the other. They coexist."

Enjoy....




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Don't forget to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs! Just click on this brown button with the juggling chick. You can vote every day till like, forever.



Thanks!



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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday: Homestead Revival's Barn Hop
Tuesday: Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday, Crafty Garden Mama's Tuesday Greens, and
and Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday: My Life and Kids Finding the Funny
Thursday: A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Friday: Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Saturday: Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop and Country Momma Cooks Saturday Link-Up

Since today is Tuesday, that means I'm linking my post "Parallel Universe"
with Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up, "Pumpkins. Bleh." with Crafty Garden Mama's Tuesday Greens, and "Meeting My Babies - Part 2" with Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday.


Come join the fun!

Timothy Green

Every now and again, a movie hits the theatres that contains an adoption theme. Sometimes I am aware of it before I buy my ticket, sometimes not.

When I took some of the kids to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green over the weekend, I was definitely aware of it beforehand. Not only had I seen the previews, I had also read my friend Lori's (a fellow adoptive Mom) review of it.

So I knew I was sitting down with my three adopted kids to see a pro-adoption, and even better, pro-older child adoption movie.

It's also a good thing I knew to have tissues on hand, b/c boy did I ever need them. In so many places....

I needed them when I felt the pain of the couple (played by Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton) when they mourned the loss of the child they were told they could never have (by birth).

I needed them when they first realized Timothy was meant to be theirs, and they experienced the tenderness of bathing him and carrying him up to bed after he fell asleep.

And like any adoptive parent, I needed those tissues again when they waited to meet a child for the first time. A child they would become parents to. A child they would love with all their heart and soul for the rest of their days.

In the scene where Jennifer and Joel wrote down their hopes for their child on little slips of paper, I remember wishing and wondering, too, both while waiting to meet my children by birth, as well as my children by adoption.

And when I looked at my children seated next to me in the darkness of the theatre, their faces aglow from the light of the screen, I realized many of those qualities were certainly present in my children...


As the hopeful parents wished aloud with each other,

Our kid...

Will have your good heart.




Our kid...

will rock!






Our kid....

will be Picasso with a pencil....




and would NEVER give up.










Thank you Disney, for bringing tears of sadness as well as tears of joy to my eyes,
for making me hug my kids a little tighter,
and for helping them to see how very wanted and adored they are to their parents, even though they were not born to them.









Image courtesy: showbizjunkies.com




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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs. You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever.



Thanks!

***************

In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday: Homestead Revival's Barn Hop and A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras.
Tuesday: Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday
and Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday: My Life and Kids Finding the Funny
Thursday: A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Friday: Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Saturday: Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop and Country Momma Cooks Saturday Link-Up

Since today is Thursday, that means I'm linking my post
"Justifiable Roostercide" with A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop.


Come join the fun!

Must Watch

My family has been watching America's Got Talent. And a few days ago, I was reminded of a clip my Dad sent me last year from Korea's Got Talent. Everytime I watch it, I am moved to tears.


So I want you to watch this.

Hear Choi Sung-Bong's story.

Listen to his voice.







Understand the words that he sings....


Translation:

In my fantasy
In my fantasy I see a just world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of souls that are always free
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.


In my fantasy I see a bright world
Where each night there is less darkness.
I dream of spirits that are always free,
Like the clouds that float


In my fantasy exists a warm wind,
That blows into the city, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.



Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.




Humanity.

Let us provide families to boys like this.

Can you adopt?

Do you know someone who can?

Forward this to everyone. If one more family steps forward, then something good has come out of this boy's troubled life.

Stop this from happening to another little child.

Stop this from happening to God's gifts.










PS: Thank you, Daddy, for sending this to me!


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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs. You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever.

Thanks!

Also? If you feel so inclined, please vote for me in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Moms With Big Families contest. To vote for me, click this pink badge, then scroll down till you see my blog, and click on the thumbs-up button. You can vote every day till the contest end on August 1st. Thanks!



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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller. Here's the schedule I keep:

Monday: Homestead Revival's Barn Hop and A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras Link-Up
Tuesday: Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday and Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday: My Life and Kids Finding the Funny Thursday: A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Friday: Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Saturday: Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop and Country Momma Cooks Saturday Link-Up

Since today is Thursday, that means I'm linking my post "Farm Friday - Coop Queen Dream" with A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop.
Come join the fun!

Inspiration Sunday Becomes (for today) Guest Posting With Meena Rose

Today I am guest-posting over on the blog "Through the Eyes of Meena Rose".

Some of you may be familiar with my story about meeting my daughter Bella? That would be the guest post Meena is hosting.

Go check it out!



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There was a delay, initially, but it's up now. Click on over!




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Thanks for stopping by.
If you like my blog, I hope you'll be able to take a minute to add yourself as a follower.
Come back soon! I'm here every day, rain or shine...

~Anne


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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs. You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till like, forever. Thanks!

Adoption Tuesday - International vs Domestic

I had posted this on my other blog some time ago, and thought I would repost now for Adoption Tuesday. Enjoy....




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International vs Domestic, and I'm Not Talking Wine or Cheese.


I've heard much debate as to whether, if you're going to adopt, you should go domestic or international. Or even if folks should be adopting at all.



When I first looked into adopting,

what's it been now, 8+ years?

I decided on international.



There were a few reasons. I was, quite frankly, scared of some of the horror stories I had heard about adopting a kid "from the system". I wanted a process that would be a clean cut so that once it was done, it was done. No continued visitations with birth relations, etc, etc.



And I was extremely happy about how it all went. All except for the debt it left us with.



Next adoption? International again, but of course. Not because of any informed decision-making, but because we were adopting a specific child that we had met at our first adoption (and his sister). He lived in Kazakhstan, ergo we went to Kazakhstan.



So three adoptions under my belt, and international every one of them. One would think I am a dyed-in-the-wool international advocate, yes?



Not neccessarily.



I think I'm done growing my family, but I'm not certain. This book is not closed. Well, it's closed, but the pages are marked with a bookmark.



If I ever decide to add more children to my family, perhaps it would be a good idea for me to compare international and domestic adoptions in a pros and cons format to see which comes out on top.



Let's see what we got......



International

Kids are in orphanages.

They don't do well in orphanages.

There are institutional delays and attachment difficulties and poor supervision.

Sometimes kids don't get the medical treatment they need.

Sometimes kids die.



Domestic

Kids are in foster homes.

They don't do well in foster homes.

There are delays and attachment difficulties and poor supervision.

Sometimes kids don't get the medical treatment they need.

Sometimes kids die.





International

The kids usually have histories that include abuse, abandonment, neglect, trauma.



Domestic

The kids usually have histories that include abuse, abandonment, neglect, trauma.





International

When you bring your child home from overseas, the ties are cut. The only relatives the parents need concern themselves with are Aunt Becky and Grampa Joe.

This is both a pro and a con. For no matter how much we embrace our child's birth culture, his biological family is generally gone forever, leaving the child with a pit in his heart that all the culture camps in the world could never hope to fill.



Domestic

When you adopt domestically, you may or may not have obligations to allow the child visitations with biological relatives.

This is both a pro and a con. While it's great in theory for the child to keep ties with relatives and keep connected to her former life, it can be a an emotional rollercoaster for her to visit back and forth with the father that just got out of jail, the maternal grandmother who whispers in her ear that she will come to get her and bring her back.





International

Sometimes? The child is placed for adoption for the wrong reasons.

Sometimes? The child ends up in a situation less desirable than his birth family. Less desirable than the orphanage.



Domestic

Sometimes? The child is placed for adoption for the wrong reasons.

Sometimes? The child ends up in a situation less desirable than her birth family. Less desirable than the foster home.







International

There are many costs associated with adopting a child from overseas.





Domestic

There are many costs associated with adopting an infant from the US. There are few costs associated with adopting a child from the foster care system.



Any and all adoption costs are but a drop in the bucket when compared with the costs of raising a child.





International

The child's culture, ethnicity, and possibly race may be different than that of the adoptive parents. Could the parents ever truly love such a child?



Domestic

The child's culture, ethnicity, and possibly race may be different than that of the adoptive parents. Could the parents ever truly love such a child?



Having experienced parenting children both born to me and adopted, I can say without reservation that parents can and do love children equally, whether blood related or not, whether the child has almond-shaped eyes or brown skin or speaks a different language. The only people who even suggest that parents could not love an adopted child "as their own" are people who have never adopted. The thought, to me, to any adoptive parent, is preposterous.





International

If adopted, the child could...

Be raised in a family.

Love.

Be loved.

Stop wondering what's wrong with them, stop questioning why no one wants them.

Reach their potential.

Have hope.

Feel comfort.

Feel the tenderness of a parent's embrace warm their soul.



Domestic

If adopted, the child could...

Be raised in a family.

Love.

Be loved.

Stop wondering what's wrong with them, stop questioning why no one wants them.

Reach their potential.

Have hope.

Feel comfort.

Feel the tenderness of a parent's embrace warm their soul.





So as to the questions:

International?

Domestic?

Adopt?

Foster?






















I don't know. I don't have all the answers. Or even most of them.



The only answer I have is that if I end up adopting another child, be he from China or Kazakhstan or the good ol' U S of A, whether her skin is black or brown or white, whether she have 10 fingers and 10 toes or 8 fingers and 9 toes or an elbow coming out of her ear, I will love her. I will cherish her. I will make her feel like she matters.



And isn't THAT... all that matters?





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Thanks for stopping by! Come back tomorrow, I'm here everyday, rain or shine...

Anne ~





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I'm linking up today's post with Heavenly Homemaker's "Gratituesday". Come join!


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Don't forget, I will love you forever if you throw me a couple votes:

Circle of Moms: click the pink badge, scroll down to my blog, and click the thumbs-up button to vote. You can vote every day till June 20th!





Top Mommy Blogs: You know the drill by now, don't you? Just click the juggling chick and you've voted. You can vote every day till, like forever.



Thanks!







Image courtesy: ramsey.k12.nj.us

Mirth Monday Becomes, For Today: Movie Monday

I took a few of the kids to see the movie Chimpanzee yesterday. As I knew it was a story with an adoption theme, I had reason to be nervous, because most of the time, the movie-makers don't get it right.

But this time, they did.

Chimpanzee is a nature film about a band of - you guessed it - Chimpanzees, in which a baby Chimp named Oscar loses his mother, but is adopted by an unlikely adoptive parent: the alpha male leader of the group.

Before you rush your adopted or foster child out to see this movie, however, there are a couple things you should be aware of. If abandonment and rejection are highly sensitive issues for your child, this might be a difficult movie for him to see, as Oscar goes through a period of time after becoming orphaned in which all the other adult would-be parents reject him. All's well that end's well, though, so if you think your child could withstand the stress of seeing Oscar abandoned and rejected, so long as in the end he is taken in and loved, then it might be OK.

On a personal note, I have to say I found it quite funny that the stoic, no-time-for-funny-business Chimp that took Oscar in was named Freddie. Just like no one would ever have suspected that he would have taken in this babe in need, no one would ever have suspected that my husband Fred, Mr. no-time-for-funny-business himself, would ever end up being father of six (including adoptive father to three). Nice, as parallels go.

One other thing about the movie that resonated with me: I felt there was quite the parallel between the would-be foster/adoptive parents in the movie (the Chimps), and all the would-be foster/adoptive parents among all us lowly humans. Here was this little one who clearly had no one to take care of him. And yet time and again, the Chimp Mamas closed the door on him. After all, they had babies "of their own" to care for. They were too busy. Freddie was certainly "too busy" as well. After all, he was the leader of the whole band, and he carried a lot of responsibility. But when push came to shove, Freddie took Oscar in, and guess what. He found the time to take care of him. He made the time. And he became completely devoted to his new child.

Can't tell you how much I loved that....






As a post-note, I have included below the few thoughts I shared on other movies with an adoption theme, as well as the link for my full write-up on my review of Kung Fu Panda 2 here.



Would I be treated to something like from "Meet the Robinson's" where a little boy is rejected by one family after another because he's not interested in sports? Because he spills stuff? Yeah, I LOVE having my adopted kids receive messages like this. Like if they're not good enough, we don't want them.

Would it be another "Despicable Me"? Would I get to see the kids in the orphanage be placed in the "Box of Shame" for not selling enough cookies? Or to have someone adopt them to meet his own needs and then return them when things weren't working out like he planned?

Certainly it could never be as appalling as when that horror movie "Orphan" came out. With tag lines such as: "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own." and "There's Something Wrong With Esther."

But Kung Fun Panda 2 was amazing. A child. Loved by the parents who brought him into the world.
A child. Separated from those parents.
A child. Taken in by another parent. Loved and accepted as a son.
A child. Grown. Understanding where he came from, but still embracing that he is the son of the man who adopted him.
If you have an adopted child, take him or her to see the movie now. Run, do not walk.
And rejoice that someone out there finally got it right.




Throw me a vote on Top Mommy Blogs? Just one click of this button (below) and you've voted. You can vote every day!



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Images courtesy: avclub.com, care2.com






PS: I'm participating in a blog-hop today over at Heavenly Homemakers!

Adoption Tuesday - Attachment.4

Control

A common theme for kids with attachment issues is control, and that's what I'm going to touch on today.

These kids have lost so much in their lives, and it's always been out of their control. Because of that, they love to hold on to control wherever they can, and they do not react well when control is imposed upon them by others, be they parents, teachers, caseworkers, you name it.

Many of the behavior problems we see with RAD kids are based on their desire to be in control. When James' Reactive Attachment Disorder first began to surface, I treated his behavior problems the same as I treated any other behavior problems exhibited by my kids. In short, I tried to exert MY control over HIM. Each time, I was basically just lighting his fuse. And it was a short one.

Wrong move.

He would engage in an inappropriate behavior.

I would attempt to impose a consequence immediately.

He would refuse to submit to whatever consequence I was handing out.

I would get angry and up the stakes, piling a bunch of "if - then" consequences on top of our already out-of-control emotional brush-fire.

Emotional responses ran amok for the both of us, and the rest of the family suffered the effects of an out-of-harmony home.


Through therapy, reading, and the support of the RAD community, I have learned to not react so strongly and emotionally to his misdeeds.

Instead, if he goes against household rules, I let him know, with as little emotion in my voice and on my face as I can pull off, that what he did was wrong. I then tell him we will talk about it later, and I try to remove myself (and any involved in this "conflict") from his vicinity.

When the stars are aligned, he will continue to perform some reaction-provoking behavior for awhile. I/we will ignore it. After some time, he will go up to his room of his own accord. Next day, he will apologize, and we will talk about consequences (losing his phone, for example).

Of course, it didn't always (and currently doesn't always) go this smoothly, because part of the control for him is getting reactions. We're mostly past it now, but when he didn't get the reactions he was looking for, he would often just up the ante. At different times in our past, police have been to the house, trips have been made to the ER, furniture has been upended.

The trick to parenting kids with attachment disorders is to know the difference between simple reaction-provoking behaviors that can usually be handled by not getting drawn in, and the more serious behaviors that can lead to injury to family members if not handled expertly, which may involve professionals, or possibly hospitalization for the child.

If the child is able to have a discussion (later that day or next day) about his behaviors and the consequences, I have found it's a good idea to let him help choose what the consequence will be by giving a few choices. This, again, goes to letting them hold on to some of the control.

Example:
Couple nights ago, James wanted to watch a movie with my husband. Fred was pretty fried, and he had other plans which involved an early bedtime.
B/c of James' history, he didn't take to this well, and started getting antsy. He began accusing his Dad of favoritism and being self-centered, and being old and just all manner of things.
Fred went back and forth with him a bit, then realized what was at play and simply dropped himself out of the conversation.
James lay on the sofa and kept slamming his arm against the couch. Very annoying, when done repeatedly, but really no harm, no foul, so we just ignored him.
Luckily, there were no other kids in the room, or that would have been a whole other ball of wax.
Every now and then he would resurface to say something more about Fred being self-centered, which we would just ignore.
After awhile, he went up to his room, but not before telling Fred that he hated him.
We ignored.
Next morning, he still had a little troubling behavior going on with his sibs, but soon settled down.
A few hours later, I had a talk with him. The conversation remained calm, and it spoke to why he is likely feeling these things towards Dad, as well as to why the things he said are inappropriate.
Finally, it touched on consequences. He had three choices: lose his computer for the day, lose his phone for the day, or clean out dad's garage. He chose to lose the computer. Plus, of course, an apology.

If we had demanded ANY of those things the night before, I can tell you it would have ended up VERY differently. Very differently, indeed.

Now, I know this is a very mild example, and pretty easy to deal with. Almost a no-brainer. But I use it to underscore the differences between a child with a troubled past, and a child who has grown up in a loving household his or her whole life. If one of my birth kids (or for that matter, my securely-attached adopted kids) had acted/spoken in this way, you can bet they would not have waltzed off to their room unchecked. That kind of disrespect would have been dealt with swiftly. But with traumatized/poorly-attached kids, this reactionary method to discipline simply does not work. It not only doesn't work, it makes the situation worse. By far.

So to summarize, when dealing with milder (non-threatening) behaviors with your RAD child,

1) Keep emotion out of it.

2) Give space, either by the child removing himself, or you removing all other family members from his vicinity.

3) Do NOT give out consequences in the moment, but wait until the child has completely calmed down about it.

4) When giving out consequences, always start the discussion with why the behaviors were wrong to begin with. Table-turning can be very helpful: "If I were mad at you, do you think it would be OK for me to tell you I hated you?"

5) Let the child have some choice in selecting the consequence. Present 2 - 4 choices of appropriate consequences, and let him have some say in which it will be.


I hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to use the comment form, or message me on FB, or email me.




If you'd like to read the other posts in my series on attachment, you can find them here:

Attachment
Attachment.2
Attachment.3



















Thanks for all your support by voting for me on Top Mommy Blogs! Just one click of this button (below) and you've voted. You can vote every day!



Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Image courtesy: ktzat-ivrit.ulpan.com

I Think I'm Back In Middle School

Looks like there was quite a bit of drama over on Circle of Moms.

I guess when they ran the Adoption Blogs contest last year, it was suggested to the powers that be that they open it up to include not just adoptive Moms, but other people involved in the adoption triad: birth mothers, adoptive Moms, and adoptees. A wonderful idea, in theory.

So they did that. Only problem is, there's just a lot of drama entangled in these two camps. It seems many of both the adopee-rights activists and the adoptive parents are very sensitive, in a polarizing way, about issues they feel strongly about. It stands to reason, I suppose. I kind of got into it with one of them once, and it was not pretty. Such a shame, as I really think we could learn from each other, but it's probably no different than anything else: pro-life vs pro-choice, dem vs republican, breast vs bottle, you name it.

Here is the Circle of Moms announcement about dropping the contest:



Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012

UPDATE: After serious consideration, we have decided to cancel our Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 contest. Our Top 25 program is meant to celebrate, connect, and support mom bloggers. Following some feedback from participants in our 2011 contest, we decided to make this year's Top 25 more inclusive. In doing so, we unknowingly stepped into a very sensitive issue and debate, and we apologize to all the moms who have been offended, no matter what your position on adoption is. We're committed to finding a way to give all parties in the Adoption Triad a voice on Circle of Moms. If we run a Top 25 Adoption Blogs in the future, we'll consult with mom bloggers in each part of the Adoption Triad on how to create a supportive contest where all bloggers would feel welcome and respected by Circle of Moms and by all participants. We appreciate the time and energy every participant put into this contest during the past week, and we sincerely regret that we can't reward those efforts in the way we had planned to when we launched the contest.

Are you a mom who blogs about adoption or foster parenting? Whether you're an adoptive mom, foster mom, adult adoptee, fostered adult, or mother who placed a child for adoption, we're looking for mom bloggers who write about adoption or foster parenting in a supportive, positive way.


Voting ended on Apr 26, 2012 at 4pm PT. Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 is now closed.



Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you wonderful people for voting for me. I know if the contest had continued to play out, you would have gotten me into the top 25, easy peasy. Y'all are the BEST!








But fear not. There's still a vote-for-me contest goin' on. There's always a vote-for-me contest goin' on. Top Mommy Blogs! Just one click of this button (below) and you've voted. You can vote every day!


Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Wordless Wednesday Becomes, For Today....

A shameless plea for votes.

Circle of Moms is running a contest for Top 25 Adoption Blogs and I'd really like to be counted in that top 25.

I currently hold a spot in the 30s, so I'm not that far off, but I need everyone who reads this to vote. If that happened, I'd shoot straight up in the charts.

Voting is pretty simple: Just click the Circle of Moms badge (below), then scroll down to my blog, then click on the thumbs-up button to vote. You can vote every day till 4/27.

I'd like to mention, too, that some of the blogs in this contest (and I have to say, it leaves me scratching my head a bit), are not pro-adoption, but anti-adoption. Needless to say, it makes me want to ensure that all the blogs that advocate for orphaned children to find loving homes are well-represented on this list.

So (cue dramatic music here), please vote for this blog. And maybe share this around on your favorite social media sites and ask a few friends to throw votes this way, as well. Let's make sure that adoption advocates are front and center in this contest. THANKS!!!!!

















And let's not forget good old Top Mommy Blogs! I'm almost onto the first page!Just one click of this button (below) and you've voted. You can vote every day!





Thank you, thank you, thank you!


And a very hearty thank you to all my new followers. AMAZING! I'm getting new followers EVERY DAY, which fits so nicely into my goal of world domination. Keep it up, people, keep it up!
Love to you all, kisses, kisses!