life on the funny farm

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Adoption Tuesday - Attachment Series.2

Last week I began a series on attachment that I thought I would continue every Tuesday. At least for awhile.

Sometimes I will feature an article, sometimes provide a tip, and at times I will just share my experiences and thoughts.

Today?

Just a quick tip.

In last week's post, I made the analogy of the parent being like a tree, with the roots being the underlying love the parent has for the child, and the leaves representing the parent's emotions:

The leaves are emotions, and they change as the weather and the seasons change: sometimes happy, sometimes sad, or angry, or frustrated. Regardless of the leaves, though, the tree remains stable, and firmly rooted to the ground. Children with RAD have difficulty with this concept, and will mistake the parent's current emotion for his underlying feelings towards him. In other words, if the parent is angry, the child feels that the parent does not love him.

Because of this, I feel it is important to let your RADish know that even while you are feeling angry towards him or her, there is still love.

What works for me and my son (with RAD) is that while I am angry with him, and talking with a raised voice or more intense tone, I will hold my hand up in the sign for "I love you". In this way, he is getting the message that I love him even though my face and voice and words are telling him I am angry. He has had a lot of difficulty knowing that both can occur simultaneously, and this is a very visual reminder for him.





















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11 comments:

  1. So true. I always make sure my teenagers know that no matter what they do I will always love them, I might not like them at the time, but I do so love them ;)

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  2. ps I just seen the ages of your teenagers... wooweeee. Mine are daughter 17 (she graduates this May), 2 sons 15 & 13.

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  3. I hear ya' Jennifer. Like and love are two very different animals, aren't they?

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  4. I think this will help me so much with Charlie right now. He is literally making me CRAZY!!

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  5. I hope so, Denise. Good luck, and keep me posted!

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  6. Hello from a fellow April platform challenger! And look at that! I found we have adoption and writing in common. My wife and I are about to adopt from Colombia, so I'm especially looking forward to your Tuesday series. In terms of writing critiques, I don't really have any for this post. I love that you gave specific examples. They help visualize the tip you're trying to convey. The writing was short enough to be compelling but engaging. Keep up the great work! The URL I'm giving you is a link to our own adoption blog.--Joe

    Twitter: @js_orozco

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  7. Anne - Interesting that I am like you and Joe. My husband and I are in the adoption process as well, and I'm a writer and farm girl with a sense of humor. Crazy stuff! Who knew we all fit together so well? Will be keeping watch on your tips for adoption!

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  8. Hi Joe! Thanks for visiting, commenting, critiquing! So glad to hear you and your wife are adopting. God bless....

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  9. Carley, thanks for stopping by! So nice to know you are adopting! And a farm girl to bootm huh? I'm gonna go pop on over to your blog now to see what's going on.

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  10. Adopted a 12 year old boy last October (from China) this will be helpful, thanks. I actually am thankful when we hit a crisis, such as when he has lied and continues to deny it, or has flooded the basement because the toilet overflowed and he didn't think to tell me - at the end we can assure him we are still his and still love him. But I love the hand signal to use during the crisis!!

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