The Chaperone

Between the French toast for breakfast and the peanut butter sandwiches for school lunches, I was working through my 2nd loaf of bread by 6:30 in the morning. My mind was busy dealing with society-fed mental stress: too many carbs for my kids. Plus, what kind of fat is in the peanut butter? Is it that bad kind everyone's talking about -- tranny? No, transparent? No, trans fat. Does peanut butter have trans-fat? Since the kids eat it with gusto, I'm guessing it's loaded with the stuff.

Bella broke my reverie by popping up beside me to remind me I'm chaperoning her field trip today. I told her, "Darlin, I keep telling you. I said I could chaperone, but I never heard from Miss R that I was selected and I never sent any money, so she must have picked a different Mom."
"But Mom", cried Bella, "she said I'm in your group."

Hold the phone. I have a GROUP? That doesn't sound like wishful thinkin, that sounds real.

A momentary surge of adrenaline jerked my head up and I assessed my reflection in the mirror before me. I was clad top to tail in my blue pajamas. The ones with the feathers all over them. Think chicken in distress. I was wearing my fuzzy brown slippers that go ksh, ksh, ksh on the floor. My uncombed hair was sprouting from a ponytail on the top of my head that resembled a Venus Fly-Trap. My unwashed face was still puffy with sleep and a schmear of peanut butter on my chin completed the look.

My mental stress took a giant leap from carbs and trans fats to how'm I gonna pull this off? I remembered my Lamaze from years gone by and decided breathing might be a good thing. After I did that for a while I moved into action. Finished getting the kids ready for school and onto the bus. Dashed off an e-mail to Miss R to verify if I was, indeed, supposed to chaperone.

I was, indeed.

I looked in my checkbook and told her I had paid for Julie and Bella but not for myself. She informed me I had paid in cash. I'm not remembering any of this.

But I showered and dressed and made myself as presentable as was possible and hurried off to school. The buses were pulling out of the parking lot when I arrived and so I fell into line behind them. I followed them down the highway to our destination, all the while frantically calling everyone I know so I can still pull off my afternoon appointment for Daniel out in Wilmington.

By the time I arrived at Longwood Gardens I can proudly say I had caused no traffic accidents by dialing and driving, but neither had I resolved my afternoon dilemma. I rushed over to Miss R to apologize for my screw-up, but as we got to talking we pieced together the puzzle. Turns out Bella, in the hopes of "surprising me", had paid my chaperone fees with her own money and then kept the confirmation paper from me. Bless her soul, I didn't know whether to strangle her or hug her.

Then with my Mommy Vision, I saw behind me Bella's best friend's Mom, who was also chaperoning. Without a shred of dignity I threw myself at the woman's feet and begged her to take my girls home with her after the field trip. She agreed, then peeled me off her legs to go round up her kids.

OK, so now the day was starting to look up. I gathered up the kids assigned to me, then met with the two other chaperones in my group. Both women were blondes with highlights and fashionable boots. Two Barbies and an "It's OK To Be Me Doll". Of the 14 fourth graders in our group, six of them were in my care. There are 350 acres at Longwood, but because it was a nasty cold drizzly day we spent most of our six hours inside. The guides were wonderful. But holy goat berries, they were trying to teach the kids how to read a map and how to measure. We actually measured the same bench 17 times. I'm not lying to you, 17 times. The kids' eyes all had that same glazed-over look you've likely noticed in road-kill.

We finally reached the end of the structured lessons and it was "free-time". Though the kids were all begging to run off to the treehouses, we decided it would be best to let the kids play in the indoor children's garden in the hopes of keeping them dry. Five minutes later more than 100 nine and ten year olds were soaking wet from playing in all the "please touch" water fountains. Brilliant idea, those fountains. So we threw our hands up in surrender and took them out to the treehouses, trudging through the mucky mulch and cold drizzle. As all the parents stood trembling in the rain, the kids climbed over the treehouses like termites. A couple children came to me to report one of the boys had peed over the railing. "No habla ingles" I replied.

The announcement came that it was time to load the kids on the bus, thank sweet baby Jesus. I said goodbye to my girls, then drove the 20 miles home in about 10 minutes. Picked up Daniel (and Rosie too, 'cuz she wanted to come along), then drove back out past Longwood again and on out to Wilmington. After Daniel's appointment we drove back, stopping to pick up first fast food for dinner, then the girls from their friend's house. Got home, threw burgers at everyone and told Bella to grab her skate bag and jump back in the car to get out to her ice skating lesson. Sat in the cold. Again. Got home about 9pm and got Bella tucked in, did some laundry, then headed down to have some quality time with Fred. Quality time, of course, meaning we both stared blankly at the TV for about an hour and then crawled into bed.

I'm sure I'll be called on again in the future to be a chaperone. Today's guidelines are stricter than ever, requiring child abuse clearances, criminal record clearances, and fingerprints run and approved by the FBI. I think the next step planned in the process is retinal scans and DNA analysis. Those of us who hand all that into the school are the few, the proud. The stupid.

I just hope that the next time I'm scheduled to chaperone, I will know about it more than 30 minutes in advance.

Happy Bunny Day

First comes decorating the Easter baskets ....


Next comes dying the eggs....


Looks like the Easter Bunny exploded. This is what Easter baskets for 10 looks like.


Happy Easter, Julie!


The hunt is on ....




So kids, let Mommy explain to you all about Easter. Jesus died on the cross for your sins.
Well, no, I know you weren't around back then, not your sins specifically. But He just did.
Then He rose from the dead.
No, not like a zombie.
He just did.
We decorate Easter baskets and dye eggs real pretty to symbolize springtime and new life.
Yes, I know Jesus was born on Christmas, but we celebrate new life at Easter. After He died.
We just do.
We eat chocolate eggs because .....
Well I don't know why exactly, but aren't they yummy? Don't touch that, you've got chocolate all over your hands.
OK, now let's all go outside and find the candy-filled Easter eggs that the Easter Bunny hid in the yard. Hmmmm? He's a giant bunny that brings candy to good boys and girls. No, honey, don't look afraid, he's a good giant bunny. No, he didn't rise from the dead. No, he's not related to Jesus.
Here, have some more chocolate and let Mommy go lie down for a little while.

3 Months Down, A Lifetime To Go .....

Today marks the day that James and Julie have been home with us three months.

Jan 9th: picked up two Russian-speaking children from the airport. One had recently finished getting sick on the airplane but was all smiles and bounce. The other wore a reserved smile.

April 9th: Two English-speaking children with thick Russian accents run around my house alongside their brothers and sisters and a few friends that are over. They are both all smiles and laughter. They pitch in with chores as well as complain about them. They laugh and play, but they also squabble. James will eat anything but Julie's a bit picky. They're as different as night and day, but they're more alike that they would ever admit. They have cracked the shell enough that I have an inkling of the trauma they've experienced in their lives, but the time has not yet come for them to crack it wide open and cry on my shoulder about it. When they're ready, I'll be here for them. I'll be here the rest of my life ....

A Little Culture Never Hurt No One ....

Took the kids to the Brandywine River Art Museum. Got to show them a lot of Wyeth works and explain to the kids how the Wyeths are from this area and much of their subject matter is stuff they see when driving down the road. Saw paintings of the Brandywine Battlefield of the Revolutionary War, which took place a stone's throw from the museum.

One would think that kids that are a product of this generation, kids who have grown up with eyes glued to a glowing screen of one kind or another would have no interest in looking at paintings of hayfields and barns. But not only were they pretty well behaved, but I actually heard the occasional oooh and ahhh from them.

No matter, the security guard took one look at my crew walking in the door and we had our own personal escort tailing us throughout our tour of the museum. I think he actually looked a little disappointed when my kids didn't break anything. We gave this kindly octagenarian no excuse to throw us out on our kiesters.

Maybe next time ....

Skating Her Way to First Place

Bella was in her first skating show on Saturday and she had a blast! Julie, myself, and Bella's friend Anastasia was there to cheer her on. She had never done anything like this before and was nervous, but she did great, taking 1st place in one event and 4th in a pairs event.

She really is a thing of beauty and grace to watch on the ice, so I'm really happy that she was able to do well in spite of the nerves.

From Detsky Dom in Ust-K to My House in Oxford, PA

It's kinda giving me goosebumps, but the 4 kids in the picture above all lived together in the Detsky Dom (Children's House) in Ust-Kamenogorsk Kazakhstan years ago. And here they are standing in my kitchen. The blonde girl is Bella's friend Anastasia. They were friends at the Detsky Dom and were adopted about 2 mths apart and now live about an hour and a half away from each other.

Isn't it a weird, strange universe?

Wedding Bliss

The big day finally arrived; the first of our four weddings this year. It was my baby sister's big day and it all went off without a hitch, both on her end and ours. She looked gorgeous. Her new husband was beaming and handsome. My kids cleaned up pretty well, too and behaved themselves perfectly.

I was a proud Mama, a proud sister.

We all had a blast at the reception and the kids danced the night away. James and Julie made two new friends. The minister that performed the ceremony is a good friend of my sister's, and she and her husband live in LA and work in movie production. J and J were entranced by them and it seemed the feeling was mutual.

Of course, more than a week later I still haven't finished unpacking. Probably no sooner will I get it all put away then I'll have to get it all out again for the next one.