Mirth Monday - Joan Rivers

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'


I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.


A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.



I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.


I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.


I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'






Ha, ha! Click, click!



Quotes courtesy: brainy quotes
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