life on the funny farm

Monday, August 27, 2012

Mirth Monday: Comin' Atya Live

Five of the six started school today.

Posted this on my old blog last year. It's my comical view of the goings-on of the first day of school.

What would the commentators say at YOUR house?


Thank you for joining us live at the farmhouse on this beautiful morning. I'm Earl E. Rizer ....

And I'm Dewey Riley Kaire ....

And we'll be covering the Annual First Day of School event for you all morning.

That's right Earl. This much anticipated event pits two formidable enemies against each other: Mommankidz vs The Bus. We've got a bird's eye view of the Mommankidz team, who should be appearing on the scene any moment now, as well as audio feed that will give us live updates on The Bus as things unfold.

Although Mommankidz has a pretty strong track record, there are those that wonder how they'll fare in this event. My sources tell me that instead of using the summer to train, they've been undisciplined in their sleep habits and have only worked together as a cohesive team on a handful of occassions all summer long.

That's right Earl. In contrast, The Bus is fully prepared. It's been washed, fueled, tuned-up, and had a strong performance in the Bus Rodeo over the summer.

This will be an interesting competition to say the least ....

And here they come now, onto the field. It's just Mom at the moment but she's giving a strong first impression as she appears to be showered and dressed.

She's heading straight to the coffee pot, no surprise there, and then over to the stove. She seems to be doing something .... Dewey, it looks like she's making breakfast.

Well, Earl, that's an impressive start as they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I don't think anyone was expecting that.

Maybe they have a stronger shot at this than we thought. Do you think ....

Hold that thought, Earl, I believe another player is arriving on the scene. Yes, it's #1, in the position of high school freshman. Will he be a help or a hindrance to this team, do you think, Earl?

Hard to say, Dewey, hard to say. He's walking over to Mom .... he gives her a hug!

Wow, great move. But let's see how he handles breakfast. He looks into the pot ....and he smiles! He helps himself to a bowl of the steaming oatmeal as the crowd goes wild. This is a very strong start for Team Mommankidz.

And here come #2 and #3, both in the position of middle schoolers. On their heels is player #5. Anything could happen now, and the crowd seems to be holding its collective breath.

Earl, they've ALL taken bowls of oatmeal and have sat down to eat! Is there no stopping this team?

Yes, things are looking incredibly good for this team, but let's not forget it is early in the game, and not all the players have joined us yet.

Well, but here comes #6, the youngest player on the team. These rookies can be a handful and it takes a strong coach to keep their energies in check. Let's watch what happens ....

Dewey, it looks like he's walking over to the pot .....he looks in..... and he makes a face. Now he's whining! Oh, this is bad news for Mom. They argue for a bit .... and now he is heading to the freezer for frozen waffles. Disaster averted for the moment.

Earl, I have to wonder where player #4 is. She seems to be the only one missing at this point.

Perhaps the alarm clock fairy didn't call on her this morning, Dewey. Let's see if Mom is aware of this. She's watching the other players eat breakfast.... she sips her coffee .....she sneaks a look at the clock and by golly there she goes, up the stairs like a jackrabbit. She's a pretty, er, seasoned member of this team, but she's got speed when she needs it.

And here she comes back down the stairs with a confused and sleepy looking player #4. Mom has a bowl of oatmeal in front of her before you can say "what's for breakfast".

Dewey, I've just gotten word that the Busdriver is in the Bus. I repeat, the Busdriver is IN the Bus. The engines are revved and the wheels are rolling.

This makes things interesting, Earl. Mommankidz has had a pretty smooth start to this competition, but there's a long way to go and anything could happen.

Back at the Farmhouse, the dishes are cleared and they're moving on to teeth and hair. Mom is directing her players left and right and there's lots of movement. Oooh, player #4 seems to have a knot in her hair. Mom rushes to the scene and applies tangle spray and goes to work getting the tangle out. The player winces. That's gotta hurt.

Earl, it looks like there's trouble in the bathroom. The players are fighting over who was at the sink first and whose toothpaste is whose for crying out loud.

Dewey, Mom's no newcomer to multitasking, but let's see how she handles this. It looks like she's got #4 by the hair and is sidestepping her over to where she has line of sight to the bathroom. She's still working on that tangle, and now she is calling out to the players in the bathroom.

Earl, it's times like these that I'm glad we can't actually hear what they're saying out on the field, because it doesn't look pretty, my friend.

Well, whatever it is, it seems to have had some effect. The players in the bathroom are brushing their teeth like nobody's business.

And the last of the tangle seems to have been conquered as well, Earl. Looks like this team is back on track.

Dewey, this just in from the feed on the opponent. The bus is IN town at this point and scooping up kids like a giant hungry python.

It's as if Mom has psychic powers because she seems to sense this too. She's kicking things into high gear and there's lots of action on that field right now, things are moving in a blur:
Sandwiches seem to have magically appeared and I see players shoving them into lunchboxes. I see others running to the pantry for snacks and some heading to the refrigerator for drinks. It's a miracle they don't trip over each other in this madness.
Players are now running every which way and it seems they are donning shoes. The rookie stands in the middle of the frey, one shoe in hand, the solitary still figure among a blur of arms and legs dashing about. He seems to be in trouble. I can only guess at this point that he can't find his other shoe, Earl.

This could spell defeat for Mommankidz, Dewey, because if he sets foot on that Bus in his barefeet, it's game over for Mommankidz.

And speaking of The Bus, I'm receiving word right now that it has left town and is headed for the Farmhouse. Looks like it's now or never for Mommankidz, Earl.

Player #5 has just spotted The Bus out of the window. She leans her head back and yells "Buuuuuussssssss" at the top of her lungs. Oh my God, now everyone on the team is running. The team mascot begins barking his fool head off. Everyone is grabbing backpacks and lunchboxes. Mom's on her hands and knees peering under the sofa and .... what's this? She HAS FOUND THE SHOE! She stands up, reaches her arm back and throws a Hail Mary across two rooms. THE ROOKIE CATCHES THE SHOE!

Oh my GOD, I think they're gonna make it. Mom races to the door and all the players file past her. Kisses and fond words are exchanged as they walk out the door and down the walk.

The bus pulls up to the house ... the doors open .... and all the players begin to step in! But what about the rookie?

Earl, he's hopping down the walk, still putting his shoe on even as he approaches The Bus. The last of his teammates has vanished from sight. Will he make it and secure victory for this team?

HE DOES! His shoe is on and he is ON The Bus, I repeat, he is ON The Bus! The crowd is on its feet and going wild! This is a HUGE upset for The Bus and an incredible victory for Team Mommankidz.

That's right Earl, they'll be talking about this one for some time. I guess Mom still has a few moves left in her after all ......


Image courtesy:


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In case you didn't know it, I'm like the queen of blog-hoppin' lately. It's kind of like square dancing but without the dated outfits, smelly gym, and elderly caller.

Here's the schedule I keep:
Monday: Homestead Revival's Barn Hop and A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras Link-Up
Tuesday: Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday
and Wrinkled Mommy's Tuesday Archive Link-Up
Wednesday: My Life and Kids Finding the Funny
Thursday: A Rural Journal's Rural Thursday Blog Hop
Friday: Deborah Jean's Dandelion House's Farmgirl Friday
Saturday: Camera Critter's Life With Dogs Pet Blogger Hop and Country Momma Cooks Saturday Link-Up

Since today is Monday, that means I'm linking my post "What the....?" with Homestead Revival's Barn Hop, and yesterday's post "Inspiration Sunday" with A Cat-Like Curiosity's Monday Mantras. Come join the fun!

Image courtesy:


  1. That was hilarious! We don't ride the bus, and I can't even imagine what all it must take to get everyone out of the house that early in the morning. Today is our first day of school and I am about to make breakfast. It may be the only day this year, but by golly, they are getting a hot breakfast on the first day!

    1. We have to stick to our guns about something, might as well be about hot breakfast as anything, right? Good luck on your first day, MamaHen!

  2. All too familiar. lol. Getting kids off is an orchestration in organization, isn't it? Loved the analogy of a bus with a hungry python!
    Exhale and njoy your day!

    (I'm linked up on the host page. Haven't figure out the rest ;)

    1. Hey there Miss Georgia! Glad to have you here. Clicking on "home" should let you nose around if you want.
      Now I'm going to take your advice and breathe....

  3. i LOVED this life on the farm story. Very creative. I like how you numbered them ;-)

    1. Thanks Kenya! Have to keep track of them one way or another!

  4. This post totally cracked me up. I did actually "LOL" when I read "...just Mom at the moment but she's giving a strong first impression as she appears to be showered and dressed." I thought you were doing a drop-off at the school. Had to "LOL" again at the team mascot, but what nearly brought tears (of the flashback variety) to my eyes was the mention of detangler!!! I didn't realize they even still made the stuff, but when I was a kid, I had hair past my waist, and when I would get out of the tub, for some sadistic reason [not really - he just didn't "get it"], my Dad would take a bath towel, put it over my head and sort of rub off the water - like drying the team mascot. That would turn my once beautifully silky mane into something of a bird's nest requiring gallons of No More Tangles! :(

    Go Team Mommankidz!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Ouch, Chris! Nothing hurts like a bad tangle being combed out of your hair like an impatient parent! That tangle spray is worth its weight in gold, isn't it? Thanks for stopping by!

  5. The absolute Best Back to school post!!! I laughed through the whole thing! GO TEAM MOMMANKIDZ!

  6. Very creative and funny! What a great spin on a hectic school morning with kids. lol

    1. Thanks, Debbie! Hectic is the perfect word for it.

  7. super cute and hilarious idea, anne! i love it. 6 kiddos? go you!
    i found u thru the naptime review blog hop thingy and now follow thru GFC.
    have a blessed rest of the week,

  8. Hey there, Mindy, glad you stopped by! I'm trying to think which blog hop that is. Am I maybe doing too many, if I don't know? Blessings back atcha!

  9. This was the best thing I've read in ages. HYSTERICAL. And so realistic!!

    1. Wow, Sparkling, thanks so much! Glad you liked it. I really do wonder what it would be like, sometimes, to have a commentator calling out the play-by-play during our morning routine, or trying to get them all out the door to an appointment or something...



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