life on the funny farm

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Adoption Tuesday - Attachment.7

This is just a quick little tip.

As I've mentioned before, kids with RAD tend to love control. There's good reason for it, to be sure, but nonetheless it can be a difficult trait to live with.

One way my boy has used control has been to try to lord over his siblings, making sure they don't get a minute past their bedtime, an extra scoop of ice cream in their bowl, dessert when they haven't eaten their dinner, well, the list goes on and on, but I'm sure you get the picture.

When he goes through these phases, he is constantly "on", watching for any and all infractions. He is the fairness police, and comes to me with every little thing. It gets everyone all stirred up, and any semblance of harmony flies right out the window.

And so I found a little trick that works wonders.

Because, you know, simply telling him to mind his own business, or not worry about it, or to relax and let me worry about got us positively NOwhere.

What I do when he gets like this, is "add it on".
If he's upset that Rosie is staying up past her bedtime, Rosie simply gets to stay up even later.
Daniel is taking too much ice cream? Here, Daniel, have a little more.
Patrick has been on xbox too long? Take an extra 15, Patrick.

He learns pretty quickly to let things be, and let me take care of it, because it makes him crazy for them to get even more of what they already had "too much" of.

When we first started using this trick, it made things worse for a little while, but he eventually learned the drill, and nowadays the fairness police is taking it easy.

Previous posts on Attachment:

Attachment The Attachment Tree
Attachment.2 I Love You
Attachment.3 Keck and Kupecky
Attachment.4 Control
Attachment.5 Cycles
Attachment.6 Consequences

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