I believe I'm guilty of writing more about the negative aspect of life with James than the positive. So in an effort to redeem myself, I'm taking a minute to report a positive.
James has a scar. Well, James has many scars, but one in particular that he's been elusive about. Though I've inquired about its origins many a time, he's never told me in the year plus that he's been with us. But the other night I was spending some quiet time with him reading and talking. It was quiet and cozy, and he finally just looked up at me and told me he wanted to tell me how he got his scar. And so he proceeded to lay out for me this chapter in his traumatic past. It was private, so I won't share the story except to say it involved James being hospitalized, and that there was a very good reason these kids were taken to the orphanage. But I will say that it was a very special moment between us. A moment of trust and reaching out. Yet another step forward in this long march we have before us.
When he was done telling the story, we looked at each other for a long while. With tears in my eyes, I reached down and kissed the scar on his forehead, then told him I was sorry.
"Why you sorry? You not did anything"
"I'm sorry because you're my kid. And you got hurt, and I couldn't do anything about it."
He continued to look at me quizzically for a moment, then he just smiled a gentle smile, and a look of understanding passed over his face.
I think he's starting to get it ....