Inspiration Sunday

To all my fellow Trauma Mamas, or Mamas raising kids with other "invisible" diseases like Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, etc, etc, etc, know that I understand your pain.  When the judgement becomes unbearable, when those who don't understand turn away and walk out of your life, know that there are those of us who DO know.  And if we never meet, I've still got your back, just as I know you have mine.  Oh, and also?  

I love you.

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Metaphorically Speaking

To all those concerned about me from my previous post (Wake Up),
don't worry.

I was speaking metaphorically.

My new day is my new year.

All the chaotic things that have comprised my life the last couple of years are behind me now, like a dream.

I am waking up to the dawn of a new era.

2015 will be The Age of Anne.

Look out world!

Wake Up.

It's morning.

Out my window, the sky is shining.

I stretch, I yawn, I rub sleep from my half-mast eyes.

My dreams linger.

Awful things.

police
hospitals
courtroom
tears
rages
blood
emptiness
loneliness
self-pity
questioning
closed doors






It's morning.

The dream fades.

I leave my bed, and I start my day.

Orbs?

About a month and a half ago, I wrote about the passing of my stepfather, Bob.

Shortly before Bob died, I told my Mom I would take their dog Scooby.  Bob was Scooby's chief cook and bottle-washer, and I knew my Mom wouldn't be able to take care of her on her own, so I figured, what's one more?

And Scooby seems to be doing fine here.  I keep her in a pen, because our house is a bit more chaotic than my Mom's place.  And since Scooby is old (like 17 or 18 years old, old), she seems more comfortable having a little space of her own.

Anyway, like I said, she seems to be doing fine, but a day or so ago, she started doing this really peculiar little howl.

Eerie.

So I videotaped her in the midst of her incantations.

I was just trying to capture what it sounded like, but I got more than I bargained for.  When I played back the video, there were several orbs "dust specks" that seemed to fly right out of the room, and they all originated from the corner that Scooby faces when she howls.

So you tell me, do I need to dust more, or should I....

GET OUT!!!!!

Bob

There was a time my world turned upside down.
I had many questions.
I had few answers.

I was by turns alone, worried, not good enough.

I was just a girl.

And then a man walked into this unsteady world of mine.

He was a big solid man with a mustache and a pipe.
He could build things.
He could fix things.
With magic, he could turn docks twisted and deformed from the ice of the bay into things straight and true.

Though he was in my world, he was also not.  He was on the periphery.  There was a boundary he could not, would not cross.  His feet were in the world of another.  We were a living, breathing Venn Diagram, with intersections and overlaps and voids.

And this Venn Diagram was forever shifting, and this man moved in and out of circles many times throughout the years.

But like the solid things he built, he remained solid in my life, even when turmoil and chaos drove him away for stretches of time.

He always returned.

And I would call him Mister, and he would call me Girl.

I grew and I flew from my island home.
I learned, I married, I worked, I had babies.
From time to time I would return home.
As I chased after my little ones, he remained on the periphery, watching me learn to be a Mama.
The twinkle in his eyes did not go unnoticed.

And I would call him Mister, and he would call me Girl.

My babies grew, and the man began to slow.
No longer did he fix docks, no longer did he build houses.  And though his hands and his back and his shoulders looked strong as ever, they began to pain him.
Still, he managed to do magic on an old house and her land and her outbuildings, creating little secret pathways and gates and wishing wells.
And when I would come to visit, his eyes would shine bright as he showed me his latest project.
He would sit with me over coffee and tell me his latest plans.

And I would call him Mister, and he would call me Girl.

One day, a telephone call.
Sickness.
Worry....

Getting worse.
Doctors.
Hospital.
Cancer.
Not much longer.....

A visit with my babies.
There he lay.
No longer big and strong.
Smaller.
Weaker.
Sleeping.

I woke him.
He looked at me and smiled.
And I called him Mister, and he called me Girl.
And I tried not to cry as we talked.
We all said our goodbyes, knowing it would likely be a final goodbye, but not speaking of it.

And five days later, he was gone.

And yet, like when I went stretches of time without seeing him, I feel his presence still.
Solid and strong and constant.

And he is my Mister.
And I am his Girl.

Fireworks.

Hey, friends, how was your holiday?

We had a wonderful 4th of July.

We had a terrible 4th of July.

Lots of fireworks, of both the driveway pyrotechnic variety and the explosive mentally unstable teenager variety.

We had corn on the cob, burgers and dogs on the grill, baked beans, watermelon, fresh salad, bomb pops.

We had cops in the driveway, cops hightailin' it down the street in pursuit, handcuffs, neighbors staring.  Questions, decisions, but no answers.

We had colorful fireworks against a dark sky, we had giggling teenagers, we had 4 girls passed out in a tent.

We had colorful police lights against a twilight sky, we had an hysterical teenager, we had an exhausted teen passed out on my bed.

4th of Julys can be quite exhausting.....

Road Trip Tip

Now that summer is upon us, many of you are likely about to embark on a family road trip.

And to that end, I thought I would share a little secret with you to keep those hours just a touch more sane.

Books on CD.

Here's why.  The story keeps the little buggers engaged (read, "quiet").  One could argue that a DVD would do the same, and one would be right.  But, call me old-fashioned, I like kids to be looking out the window on a road trip.  I want them to see how the country changes from one region to the next.  And when they're watching every movie Disney ever made, that ain't gonna happen.  Eyes get glued to the screen and become oblivious to the world around them.

With the books on CD, you get the same rapt attention, but a) it's to a story being read aloud, so they get to use their imaginations to provide the visuals for the characters, the scene, etc; b) as I said, they are getting to enjoy the scenery as you drive along; and c) I find that stories appeal to a wider age range than movies, so multiple age groups could enjoy the same story, something that does not generally happen with movies.

We've listened to Island of the Blue Dolphins, Rascal, Swiss Family Robinson, James and the Giant Peach, Shiloh, Incredible Journey, and more.  Our kids are 4 1/2 years from oldest to youngest, and include both boys and girls, and they've never really complained about a story being too girly, too boring, too babyish.  With DVDs, we've heard all those complaints.  And more.  Till they made my ears bleed.

Where can you find them?  Book stores carry them, but they tend to be expensive.  I was usually able find a decent selection at the library.  Amazon has the most to choose from, and they are reasonably priced.

A quick peek at Amazon and I saw Charlotte's Web, Anne of Green Gables, The Hobbit, Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, The Borrowers, The Secret Garden, Peter Pan, Little House on the Prairie, and on and on.  LOTS of great choices.  Think of it: exposure to great literature, AND quiet kids in the car.  And of course the whole thing about seeing the mountains and rivers and whatnot along the way.  Trust me when I tell you this is a win-win-win.

Happy reading and road tripping!

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