life on the funny farm

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Oh No You Didn't. Oh Yes I Did.

It was a quiet and cozy movie night.

We were enjoying an oldie but a goodie: pre-Parkinsonian Michael J Fox in Back to the Future.

I had made Rice Krispie Treats earlier.

And so there we were, reclined in a semi-vegetative state. All snuggled up in the dark on the sofa, watchin' the movie, eatin' our Treats.

Something fell on my shirt. A bit of Rice Krispie Treat, no doubt.

Picture the rest of this scenario in slow motion, if you will.

I picked it up off my shirt.

Crispy. Small.

I popped it in my mouth.

I bit down.

And although it was crunchy, it was NOT a bit of Rice Krispie Treat.

It was a stink bug.

Immediately the worst taste-slash-smell filled my mouth, my nasal passages, my eyes.

Even my ears tasted it.

What followed was a series of convulsions and spitting and speaking in tongues in an effort to rid my mouth of the malodorous invader.

I think my head may have spun around once or twice.

I considered biting off my own tongue.

The kids didn't know what was going on as I writhed and drooled and flung myself around the room.

I was vaguely aware of my children throwing around the words epilepsy and exorcism, and a vision popped into my head of a man with dark eyes in a long black cloak splashing holy water on me and yelling, "The power of Christ compels you!"

In a flash of lucidity, I hurled myself into the bathroom where I spit and rinsed and gargled and downed mouthwash like a frat boy at a hazing.

My kids finally talked me down from my crazed ablations.  Like those scenes in the movies where the passionate doctor is frantically doing chest compressions through a screen of tears, and all the residents and interns and nurses have to pull him away, gently telling him, he's gone, Doug, he's gone.  And he hangs his head and turns away and then just as he gets to the door, he screams, "Nooooo!" and he runs back and starts thumping on the patients's chest.

Yeah, we went through that loop two or three times.

Somehow I got through the rest of the night.  In the morning a new day dawned, and I slipped back into my routine of life.

Eventually the smell and the taste faded, though it took some time before it left completely.

I'm not sure what else to say about the Stink Bug Episode.  I am broken.

And I shall never be able to look at another Rice Krispie Treat.

I have Post Traumatic Stink Bug Disorder.


I need therapy.

But you already knew that, didn't you.....

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  1. Very good reason to look at what you put in your mouth ...............

  2. This is the funniest blog post I've read in a long time! I just had to share it on Facebook.

    Love your writing style. Definitely adding your blog to my Google Reader.

  3. If that ever happened to me, my kids would never let me forget that I broke our NUMBER ONE FAMILY RULE: Don't eat bugs!

    I'm sorry you ate a stinkbug, but it did make for an amusing blog post.

  4. Oh my gosh, this is fabulously funny!Thanks for sharing!

  5. OMG, no way!!!!!

    Reminded of an episode of my dad feeding me dinner (eggs) when I was in preschool during a power failure. A cockroach had made its way upon the spoon that I had blindly chomped on.... shudder still recall the cockroach's feet trying to flee my mouth... have never eaten eggs since...

  6. Oh NOOO, Chloe and I are reading it and our toes are curling! Yuck, yuck, yuck! It's bad enough to accidentally brush by the horrible things. Oh poor Anne! Much, much sympathy and love from us to you. :)

  7. Blah, ick, ppthth, I can't stop spitting and cringing. Ew, ew, ew. So now we know why people call them stinkbugs? And to be turned off of the most delicious treats. Tragic, really. Funny, funny post for those of us who didn't have to live through it!

  8. O.M.G. that is horrifying! The stink bugs always invade around here during the spring/fall and they're so gross to even deal with. I can't imagine how you went on after that.

  9. Tombstone: Good rule. Taking notes...
    Elaine: Thanks for the compliments. Thanks for the share and the follow!
    Kristi: That actually wasn't one of our official rules before. It is now.
    Dana: Thanks, girl...
    Meena Rose: Oh no. OMG. How horrible! I can um... I can relate.
    Veronica: Thanks for the sympathy. Sorry to curl your toes.
    Coop: Yes, they came by their names honestly.
    Lisa: I'm trying to unimagine it myself.

    Thanks guys! Have a stinkbug-free weekend!

  10. Eeeeww! That'll teach ya to eat off your shirt. Visiting back from Sunday Sync - love a good gross out on a Sunday afternoon!

  11. Could happen to anyone. A friend had an "incident" with a roach and it was years before it receded in his mind. Stopping over from Melissa's.

  12. New follower via the Super Sunday Blog Hop, and I have to say, you got me laughing with this one!!! I am so glad I stopped by. So glad other people have funny things happen and are able to write about it. Thanks for making me laugh today. :)

  13. Hahaha so funny!!! Thanks for the laugh :)

  14. Ugh! That is so nasty. I can't imagine taking a bite out of one of those. YUCK!

  15. That has to be the worse scenario I've ever heard of in my life. I feel for you completely!! I'm impressed that you managed to gain sanity after only a short period of time.

    I don't think I'd be able to eat anything without a light on again. ;)

  16. Fun post Ann.
    A while back my daughter said, "Hey dad, what some ABC gum?" Distracted while writing, I said, "Sure." Her hand was poised in front of me and she popped it in my mouth. It was gum but it was wet and she began to laugh.
    For those less naive or without kids, ABC means "already been chewed."
    It didn't compare to a stink bug but I'll never take a free offer of gum from a teen for granted again.

  17. Hoo boy. Thanks guys and dolls. Kris, you should know better than to take ABC gum, shame on you!

    Thanks for all the great comments, people!


  18. Please know that we're laughing with you....not at you!

  19. Craziness! I have stink bugs around my house and I have always gently put them outside. I could not imagine. I am a new follower from Mom's Monday Mingle. Come on over sometime at

  20. Visiting from the Monday Mingle. Your newest follower via GFC and Twitter. Cheers!

  21. I've done this before with a plastic toy that I thought was a piece of popcorn. Though definitely not nearly as bad lol So sorry you had to go through that! You are hilarious by the way and I voted for you :0) I’m a new follower of your blog from the Monday Mingle Blog Hop! Would love if you could stop by mine. Thanks :0)

    The Three Whiskateers

  22. Well, my pride may be hurt and my psyche permenantly damaged, but at least I got some laughter out of the trauma. My mouth is still twitching -- does that count as laughter?

  23. So funny and so well written. Thanks for the laugh. I'm popping in from Saturday Sharefest.

  24. I am SO sorry! But that was hysterical. Sounds like something I would do.

    I've never eaten a stink bug but I saw my dog eat one. She had a similar reaction.

    You should probably get some therapy. Hopefully you'll be able to eat rice crispy treats without having flashbacks.

    Visiting from SITS.

  25. Oh how gross, I've never even SEEN a stink bug I dont think but I can't even! I do think you might have PTSD, I think I have PTSD after reading this post, LOL

    Visiting from SITS

  26. Hilar. I was sick for you.

    Visiting from the SITS link up! And new follower!

  27. Moral of the story? Never put anything in your mouth without looking at it first LoL
    Sorry for your experience but thanks for the story!

    Tabby (SITS)

  28. Hey, ladies, thanks for stopping by, and thanks for your sympathies! It was truly a horrific experience. Homemaker's Daily, your dog has my condolences.
    Thanks to my new followers!

  29. Oh my gosh that's awful!! I cannot even imagine. Ew. Bleh. Ahh!!

  30. I was cracking up when I read this. It's not funny at all but they way you put it made it funny! I would have died! New follower from the hop! Come by and visit!

  31. Dear God Almighty that sounds... revolting! Even worse than when my brother-in-law wiped a big glop of oatmeal off of my nephews chin and licked it off his finger... except surprise! It wasn't oatmeal after all, it was the worlds biggest booger. What? I thought we were telling gross stories. Oh well, yours is waaay worse than that.

  32. OH my gosh, that is dreadful! I... ughhgh!

    Once at a family reunion we had all kinds of food out onthe counter, and everyone was grazing. There was a big platter of chocolates, and we were all talking and catching up, so I was getting a piece of chooclate but not really looking, and i reached down and picked up... a cockroach! I screamed and flung it across the room only to realize, it wasn't a cockroach, it was a date. Someone had put a few leftover dates on the dessert platter, but in my defense, that is exactly what cockroaches look like in Thailand.

  33. OMG...I was laughing and freaking out as I read this. I would have had to be locked away for insanity, there is NO WAY I could function after that woman. You poor thing.

    Happy Saturday Sharefest.

  34. Arghhhhh! That's awful, but so funny! Sorry! Traumatising! Excellent post, glad to have discovered your blog.

  35. I laughed so hard. I had never even experienced a stinkbug until a few years ago, thankfully not in my mouth. The smell they emit is incredible. You know there is one in the room before you even locate it. Thank you for sharing this in such a humorous way although I am sure it was traumatic at the time.

  36. Such a terrible story yet so very darkly funny, too. I might never think about rice krispie treats the same way, either. Vowing never to eat a stink bug.....
    Came over from the SITS girls, btw, fun Saturday posts!

  37. oh man!!!!! I HATE those little buggers!!! GROSS I would've DIED...

    Stopping in from SITS and following. I would love if you check out my blog and follow! :)

    Happy Sharefest!!
    The 5th Level of Motherhood

  38. Oh my God, this has actually happened to me as well!!! I was mindlessly eating potato chips and crunch....not a potato chip!! I completely feel your pain. I HATE those bugs!! Unfortunately, they seem to like me. If one is in a room, it will find me! I guess the moral is "Don't mindlessly eat anything!!"
    Popping over from SITSgirls

  39. Oh my goodness. That is horrible!

    Found you from SITs Saturday Sharefest

  40. LMBO!!!! I am literally L.O.L.! My husband and daughter think I am completely crazy right now. What a tragedy - for you and your mouth. Lol. Andrea @ #sharefest

  41. LOL. I would have totally flipped out too. I had a fly almost go in my mouth once at a cookout and I loss it. I didn't go back outside for a full 24 hours.

  42. wow, that's awful. what would be my worst nightmare! clearly I am not trying out for Fear Factor anytime soon. visiting from SITS!

  43. Came over from SITS. This is awful, I would have thrown up over and over again.

  44. Ugh, I'm gagging just reading this story (but also giggling a bit). Blech, I can only imagine what that must have tasted like (and I hope to never know for real!). Great Sharefest story!

  45. It was like I was tasting and smelling it with you. Gross. So sorry you had to endure that traumatic experience. And because it happened to you, not me, it was incredibly hilarious to read. Thanks for sharing.

  46. Thanks, folks. So glad some laughter can come from my misery. Thanks for commenting and to my new followers!

  47. Visiting from SITS...I could not stop laughing reading this! I would have been traumatized too!

  48. Cold chills went through my body as I read this! I can't imagine. Ewww! I am as anti-bug as you get. I think I would also be off rice crispy treats.

  49. *shudder* I was over here waving my arms and exclaiming "ewwwww" as I read that. What a horrid experience for you! I am sure it was vastly entertaining for the family - but for yo ... oh my goodness! I would have PTSBD as well.

    Alas - thank you for sharing - because I did get a chuckle in between the arm waving and cringing. :-)

    BTW - I am here because you visited my FB page and gave me a like. Thank you! I reciprocated, and also have you followed via GFC.



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