life on the funny farm

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Number Crunching

6: Number of kids that call me Mom (or Mommy or Old Hag)

7 or 8: Number of kids that call me Second Mommy (ie those that know where they can get away with stuff 'cuz I'm too frazzled to notice what's going on under my own roof)

18 - 20: Number of times per day I'm asked 'What's for dinner?"

18 - 20: How often I'm tempted (per day) to inquire about setting up a McDonald's franchise in my own kitchen.

200+: How many gallons of milk we drink in a year

2000+: How many eggs we consume in a year

15 - 20,000: About how many diapers I've changed

20 - 30,000: About how many 'why' questions I've had to creatively and spontaneously answer

Untold hundreds: BooBoos I've kissed and made better

4 - 500: Number of miles I drive per week to take kids to school, pick up sick kids from school, drive to soccer games, the store, the library, appointments, CCD, play rehearsals,......

96: Dollar value of gas my Beulah drinks in less than a week, sucking it like a milkshake through a straw

7: Average number of socks found on the floor on a daily basis

30: Roughly the number of times per day that I have to tell one of my children to let it go-separate-go to your room-say sorry-no name calling-hands off......

50 - 100: Roughly the number of times per day that I have to tell one of my kids to feed the dogs-brush your teeth-take a shower-empty the dishwasher-take out the trash-clear your place at the table-pick up your socks-comb your hair-do your homework-no more screens-elbows off the table-chew with your mouth closed-finish your dinner-no soda-no dessert-turn off the light-flush the toilet-wash your hands-take out the puppy-clean up the puppy mess-whose bracelet is this-whose nail polish is this-whose socks are these-who left these markers out-who was using my computer desk and left a bowl of ice cream on it-whose tape-whose flashcards-whose magazine-whose book-whose turn is it to take Annabelle out-who left the sofa blankets and pillows all over the floor-who left the TV on all night-don't you understand that if you don't do your homework and turn it in you won't get good grades and won't get into a decent college and you won't get a job you like that pays good and then you won't find anyone to love and you'll be just scraping by all your life and die miserable and alone...

Sigh.

Why does anyone love me?

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