AMNBU #165

Went down to the garage the other day to take Daniel to school, only to find I had a flat tire. Flat as a pancake. Dead as a doornail.

I'm talking, flat.

I used to change my own tires,

but I can't do it with my Yukon.

Simply can't.

You need your doctorate in engineering just to get the spare out from under the car. It involves secret compartments and special hidden keyholes and cables and safety assemblies.

So I called Triple A, not neccessarily to change the tire, but to retieve the spare.

And he came.

And he huffed and he cussed, and he....

couldn't get the tire out.

With a voice that could be mistaken for Ed Asner with a bad headcold, he let me know that some god*%#@ fool put the %&^# spare tire in backwards and the *#$! cable dropped but the ^*@# tire is jammed.

I thought about covering Daniel's ears.

I thought about asking the nice man if he couldn't watch his language around my son.

But then I thought, Daniel's 12. If he hasn't heard it on the playground by now, he needs to change schools.

So he told me he could pump up the flat and I could take it to my mechanic so he could put it on a %$@# lift to get the spare free.

"Whodyou use?"

"Bill", sez I.

He looked puzzled.

Then I realized why: according to his shirt, his cap, and his ^#$%@ truck, his name was Bill, too.

But then he had a lightbulb pull-chain moment and he asked,

"Dyou mean Bill goawn down into town there, or the one if you went up t'other road towards 1?"

God &$#!@%^& what is there, a union? The Auto Mechanics Named Bill Union?

"The one goawn down, I mean, on the way into town", I answered.

"Humph. Alright. You drive yer car 'n'I'll folluh."

Well alright then.


And that's what we did.

And once I pulled into Bill's parking lot, the first Bill gave a wave and peeled on outa there.

(do I smell a backstory?)

Bill and his minion
(I dared not ask his name)

put my car up on the lift and they were able to break through the now defunct safety assembly to get the spare, but it nearly cost them both their lives. But get it out they did, and change the tire they did, like the pros that they are.

And now I have no spare b/c the one that was flat is like, beyond repair.

Guess if this one goes flat I'll call Triple A again.

I'm sure they'll be happy to send a Bill out for me.




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