Me: Tomato.
R: Yeah, tomato. Do I have to cut up any more?
Me: Cut up the whole thing, babe.
R: Why are you making me cut up the whole thing? I don't even like tomatoes. I'm pretty sure this would be considered child abuse.
Me: Hang on, I'll get the phone so you can call social services.
Me: James, come empty the dishwasher, please.
J: Aww Mom. I don't want to.
Me: Oh, well then. If you don't want to then never mind. I'll do it.
J: Really?
Me: No.
J: Vwy I even have to empty it? You should empty it, it's your job.
Me: I don't think you want to go there, son.
J: It is your job. You have nothing else to do. You should do all the chore stuff. You don't do anything.
*This while I am in the middle of cooking dinner, signing school papers and cleaning a mess off the kitchen counter.*
Me: Well as long as you think I don't do anything, I guess that's exactly what I will do.
Julie, you can stop cooking the meat, James is going to take over cooking the rest of the dinner tonight.
James, when you're done emptying the dishwasher, you can go ahead and refill it, because that's something that I was going to do. But as long as I'm now not doing anything, you can do it for me.
When you're done filling the d/w, I want you to finish browning the meat and while you're doing that you can butter these rolls and then cook the corn and finish the salad.
Of course, when dinner is over, you can clean up and put away all the leftovers and wash out the pots and pans.
Then I guess you can walk yourself the two miles to CCD since I won't be driving.
It's Bella's turn for reading tonight, so don't forget to make time to read with her just before bed.
She should also put some laundry in tonight, so be sure to fold and put away the towels from the dryer, then switch the washer load over to the dryer, and make sure she gathers all her laundry and sorts it correctly. She may need help getting the detergent down.
After that you can oversee that people get their medicine, brush their teeth, take their vitamins, and go to bed on time.
Next, set up the coffee for the morning.
After that you can put the dogs out, put Sophie and Cindy away, and lock up all the doors and turn out the lights.
I'll be sitting back and enjoying all the nothing like I usually do.
J: VWAT?! I'm not going to do all that, are you crazy?! Vwat you think I am, slave or something? I am NOT doing all that work.
Me: You have a choice my friend. Either you do all my work tonight, or you hand your phone over. What's it going to be?
J: VWAT? I'm not giving you my phone!
Grumble, grumnble, grumble....
Starts to load dishwasher. Begins to look around the kitchen at plates and silverware being gathered, meat cooking, salad being cut up, stove getting dirtier by the second.
Walks away from half-loaded d/w and gets phone. While staring at the floor with eyebrows furrowed, hands me the phone and walks away in a huff.
Call ME a slave?
I think not.
*Though I gotta admit, the kid's got a point*
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