life on the funny farm

Monday, March 12, 2012

Mirth Monday - Joan Rivers

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

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Quotes courtesy: brainy quotes
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  1. Probably completely inappropriate but they all made me laugh. 8-) I'm still waiting until I can tell my kids that I was in labor for 3 months (that's how long I had contractions so that counts, right?)

    Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog. Looks like you're pretty busy yourself!

  2. Taryn, you absolutely get a pass for the "3 mths labor"! Gkad to have you here. Thanks for adding yourself as a follower!



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